Blues And Twos - Police Officer's Blog

Blues and Twos - Police & Law Blog is a an amalgamation of thoughts, feelings and observations on news, current affairs and UK policing in general. Our police blog has contributions from officers of the rank of Inspector (Organ Grinder) down to Constable (Monkey). Blues and Twos - The Police Officer's Blog

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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Crime Does Pay

So crime does pay after all.

For a while I've had a sneaky feeling that wrong doers knew something I didn't. Maybe it was their gleaming beamers, the oodles of gold chains around their necks, and the latest in hi-tech electric gadgetry in their council flats that started me worrying. I've just heard about the latest new labour (soft on crime, soft on the causes of crime) criminal benefit initiative and I'm now convinced that crime does pay after all.

Apparently our own stock of indigenous criminals aren't generating enough crime in the UK and new labour have decided that enough is enough. If we want to top the European crime tables, (with ambitions of taking on the rest of the world in 2007.) we really need to start importing a decent criminal under-class from other countries. Something needs to be done, and it needs to be done fast before the rot sets in.

Hence the launch by the government with much trumpeting of the criminal benefit system. Not only are foreign criminals being invited to flout our immigration laws, but if their unlucky enough to get caught by our under paid police officers, processed by our beleaguered criminal justice system, and banged up in our over crowded prisons, they'll be rewarded with up to £2500 to go back to their own country to serve out whatever 'punishment' is deemed fit.

On repatriation they'll then be invited to repeat the process at will.

Apparently there's already a lucrative criminal transfer market in operation throughout Europe. The EU are currently investigating several instances of illegal bunging and tapping up by The Home Office of criminals still under contract with other EU countries. With new EU countries such as Czech Republic, Estonia, Hungary, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Slovakia and Slovenia being the main complainants. According to my sources, Lord Stevens has been approached to investigate this matter on the behalf of the EU as soon as he's finished at the FA.

One of my sources from Estonia who didn't want to be named said : "What chance has a conference level country such as Estonia got when attempting to compete with a premiership level country like the UK? We've nutured and seen our young criminals progress through our youth academies, they've just started making an impact at senior level and then something like this happens. They've been offered housing, education and benefits for their families. We'd like to see our criminals stay in this country, but we can't compete on the level of financial incentives offered by the UK. Sadly we'll have to accept that our young criminal stars will move on......"

A source at the EU who also didn't want to be named said : "We're currently investigating claims that the UK are offering outrageous bungs in order to sign up the European region's best criminals. This simply isn't on, we want all EU countries to be able to operate on a level playing field and enjoy the much sort after skills of these criminals."

The criminal benefit initiative is being championed because it apparently costs £37000 per year to house a foreign criminal in our prisons. Hence a £2500 criminal benefit system payment is seen as good value for money. Other options such as bolstering our immigration service, increasing our police officer numbers and increasing the number of prisons have been discounted as being too 'common sense' and 'knee-jerk'.

Other 'hard hitting' proposals for criminals unlucky enough not to qualify for a criminal benefit payment include :

  1. Encouragement of courts to use electronic tagging rather than prisons.
  2. Greater use of community punishments.
  3. Two women's jails to take men. (Ohhh.... The 'hardness' of the prison system! We have attempted to find out 'bunking' arrangements or whether prisoners will be able to co-habit whilst inside, unfortunately to no avail.)
  4. More inmates to go to open prisons.

What message are we sending out to criminals?

Crime doesn't pay.

Or

Come to the UK, commit a crime and get £2500.....

Foreign Prisoners 'Offered Cash To Go Home'
Soft On Crime

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